Why

why did I start doing this?  I don’t remember.
Why did I stop? Boredom? Lack of attention? Lack of desire?
Whatever.
I just read my post about grandma.  I hadn’t react in years.  Grandma passed away at 93, two years after my post.
My boss, for whom I was so heartbroken, basically had me blacklisted, not to mention the dying wife, well he remarried within a year.  I guess HE wasn’t as heartbroken as he claimed.  And I donated my vacation time to that asshole.
Whatever.
I also read my running post.  That I think I might get back into.  The 5k I trained for, I ran the whole race.  I was pretty proud of myself.   Did enjoy the feeling of accomplishment.  So I guess I need new shoes!

Wow! It's been a while.
I really need to get back to doing this.
On the bread front, I made a lovely focaccia yesterday. Tomato, Rosemary, truffle sea salt and basil olive oil. Delish!  Will make again for sure.
On the needles, Eternal Spring sock pattern from Knitty.com.  Making for mom.  So far, only had to frog it once! She's complaining because she wants replacement socks now. A) it's 90 degrees and she wants wool socks?!?!?!  B) am I the one who put my silk/angora/wool socks in the washer AND the dryer??? Don't think so. But I am about a 1/2 inch from starting the heel so they should be done in time for her trip. Not that she will need them. It's 90 degrees in Paris, too.

Sometimes, it's all about the swag.....

.....and sometimes it's about the accomplishment.

Today, in my 5k training program, we received our t-shirts. The excuse I gave myself for attending was the shirt distribution. Actually, it was so I could get my run in. I enjoy running. I enjoy running with others. I don't stop, even when I want to, because I know I got this. I can do it. It's hard. I'm not the speediest, but I will go the duration and complete the task I have assigned myself.

Today, I fell. I wanted to stop after that. My knee was sore. I bit my lip and it was swollen and bleeding. I was embarrassed, mortified.  The coach running with me asked if I was okay, asked about my knees, pointed out where I was bleeding, made sure I drank some water, then asked if I wanted to run. My answer was no.  She walked with me for a minute, then said she was going to run. I walked behind her for a minute, then recommenced my usual shuffle/run.  We completed the 3.1 miles. Aside from my brief walk, I ran the entire time.

I now know I can do this, since I have already done it once.  I won't be the fastest, but I will finish, and I will do my best.  My time to beat is 50 minutes.

I got this.

Central Park Hoodie

I don't think these pictures do it justice. The color is a lovely oatmeal. The wool is soft, and it sheds just a little.  It's long enough to cover her behind (I hope). I hope it fits and I hope she likes it 😊

Insomnia is NOT my friend.......

.......although we DO seem to have a serious relationship going........

Life in Abq

Well, I have been here in Abq for 6 mos. I have made and continue to make friends, mostly through work. My habits haven't changed much. I still don't go out and I have been staying pretty close to home. Haven't been knitting much either. I have gotten into riding my bike. It's a cheap one from Walmart, not like my old bike. When I get home one of my tasks will be to ship that out here. It's been good exercise, the bike. I rode somewhere that wasn't work for the first time. It wasn't far, just 2 miles, but I felt like I accomplished something. I do feel compelled to mention that a lot of it was up hill 😊 I feel like its getting a little easier every day. Yesterday I rode to the library, which wasn't as far as I thought it was. There was a lot of up hill, because that's what you get when you live near the base of a mountain. I'll probably ly go to the library again tomorrow, because I have a slew of books to return and I plan to return them a few at a time, plus it adds about a mile more to my daily ride. I will probably try to pick up a book on bike maintenance. Today I bought some speakers so I can listen to my music without wandering around attached to an iPod/iPhone. Feels a bit more home now.

I miss my tub....

In my old apartment, I would sometimes lounge in a tub of sumptuous bubbles and scented salts. I had a collection of my favorites, mostly EO, but some others as well. I love lavender, gardenia, citrus, there were so many. There was one bath salt that had actual tea leaves in it, had to be put in a bag to keep it tidy, but sometimes I would just let the leaves loose to float on top of the bubbles. Now I have a stingy shower stall. After a long day at work, there isn't a long relaxing bath to soothe away the aches of the day. No soft music, no scented candles, no relaxing salts, oils or bubbles. Just a shower. I miss my tub.

tgif!!!

About to start knitting for the night. Just need to find something to watch while I stitch.

Ate breakfast today, two large drinks (apple, pear, ginger, carrot, beet, spinach). Had my bean dish for lunch, with a very small spoon of pastitsio (gotta lay off that stuff, it was reeeeeeealy salty), steamed veggies and some kinda hard rice. And a vegan ginger cookie. The cookie was totally not worth the calories. Very disappointed. I had a vegan cupcake, too. THAT was totally worth the calories :-). Came home and had a largish salad. Not too bad a day food wise.

Vacation!!!!

My vacation request was approved!!!!! So, in August I will be heading down to The Big Easy to do my bit for the local economy (that's my story and I'm sticking with it). That week long trip will be followed by a trip to the eastern shore. We are going back to Jane's Island. Mosquitoes, a month of mosquitoes. I will be one giant bump, but loving getting that way.

By then I hope to have finished my tank top, and maybe the second top as well. Who knows.

The knitting is going slowly. Trying to get a bit in everyday, but other things just keep piling up. There is work (as always), the depression (as always), the insomnia (worse now), my cluttered space (always a problem, but it's making me crazier than ever lately). It's the same problem as before. I feel stuck.

The weight loss is stalled. I am stuck in the 184 - 191 area. That's much better than the 224 I started at, but not where I want to be. I am not going for what the Furhman team suggested (121) because I haven't weighed that little since high school (although I was awfully cute :-), but really want to lose another 40 and get down to 140. That's a comfy one for me. My blood pressure was at 117/75 today. Muuuuuch better. I stopped taking my meds about 2 months ago. I have been on the meds for about 4 years. When I started them my pressure was 160/120. I found out how bad it was when I bought a monitor. I had been having headaches for about 1 week or 2, and decided it was probably that, even though the websites said headaches were not a symptom. After the monitor arrived, I took my pressure (twice to be sure) and called my doctor. He told me to come in immediately to compare. When I got there he took his reading, found out that my monitor was correct and sent me off to the pharmacy, script in hand, with instructions to return in a week. I tried dieting, didn't work. Tried to exercise, got discouraged. It finally took a nearly vegan diet to make change happen.

But now, even with the progress, I am having difficulty sticking with it. I need to cook, I can't muster the energy to do it. I need to have snacks on hand, I don't remember to get them. I need to eat regularly, but I have slipped back into the habit of not eating when I should. and falling back on the sugar and starchy stuff. But I am soooooo tired of green salads. Lately I have also been experiencing severe cravings for salty stuff. I think this goes with the stress/depression/anxiety thing. When stuff gets too heavy and I want to hide, I head for the comfort foods. Haven't hit the ice cream yet (thank God!!!!) but I have had a few fries, some cake scraps (I DO work in a bakery after all), and I have upped the meat intake. And how can I forget the fried stuff. Gotta take that back down. Gotta get back to my one day per week of fish or chicken. 8oz per week. That's actually a fairly decent size piece of fish. No more fried fish off the hot bar. No more samosas off the hot bar. Actually, no more hot bar period. Do you know how much all that stuff costs?????!!!!! I did it for almost 6 months. I can keep it up.

grandma

she is 91. she has lived a long and, I like to think, good life. she is currently hospitalized with failing kidneys and a failing heart. three of the four valves are not working properly. dialysis isn't possible because her heart is so weak. I don't want her to go, but I don't want her unhappy. I don't want her suffering. I hurt for my mom. in the last 10 years we have lost my dad, his mother, his sister, his aunt and my mother's brother. it's hard. I feel so incredibly sad. as I think about her, I think about my boss. his 33 year old wife is dying as well. their 4 year old will be without her mother. her grandchildren won't know her. I feel incredibly lucky that we have the time we do with Grandma B.