grandma

she is 91. she has lived a long and, I like to think, good life. she is currently hospitalized with failing kidneys and a failing heart. three of the four valves are not working properly. dialysis isn't possible because her heart is so weak. I don't want her to go, but I don't want her unhappy. I don't want her suffering. I hurt for my mom. in the last 10 years we have lost my dad, his mother, his sister, his aunt and my mother's brother. it's hard. I feel so incredibly sad. as I think about her, I think about my boss. his 33 year old wife is dying as well. their 4 year old will be without her mother. her grandchildren won't know her. I feel incredibly lucky that we have the time we do with Grandma B.

better day

today, not as much sugar, but didn't eat breakfast. soooooo tired! going to bed early tonight! had two salads, much better. no fruit yet, but have plenty of oranges down here so I'll eat one of those before i go to bed. i did have a very large muffin, and a large multigrain roll today. oh, and a piece of salmon.
no knitting at all today. will make up for it tomorrow :-)

SUGAR!!!!!!!

falling back into the sugar trap. had a macaroon, and two gf choc hazelnut bars today, as well as two really large veggie juices and a nice size salad. no bread today, which is good, but unfortunately too much sugar *sigh* i think i need to go back and re-read my book.
no knitting today, but i am thinking about these. I have all of this red lamb's pride worsted left over from various projects. I think red slippers will be awesome! I also have some black, but I think it's going to be red :-)

I made a cake!

I haven't done it much recently, but I helped decorate cakes last friday. I only helped with 4 and this was one of them. It was a donation to a benefit for Shepherd's Table, a food bank in the area. I need more practice. I do like it though.
I am not doing as well with the diet. I am not really into the nutritarian thing now. I haven't lost much, I am stressed, my hair is still falling out, and I am not losing weight. My knee is killing me. I need to keep wearing the brace and return to the ortho for follow-up. I missed my last two p.t. sessions.
Knitting isn't doing much better. I am down to the last repeat on Citron, and I think I will give it to my sister. I think I am kinda tired of it at this point. Nope, don't really like this shawl anymore. Lisa will like it, especially because it's purple. She loves purple.

sittin'

here i sit in borders, with my handy-dandy new laptop. it was my birthday present to myself. unfortunately my lovely 15yo nephew toasted the house internet service by frying his desktop (from which all service emanates) while attempting to jailbreak his ipod touch. the ipod is fine, the internet is done for. I may stop in somewhere to see if i can get an adapter and some cable to hook my stuff up directly. since i have no ipod touch to jailbreak, i think my services as a conduit will be a little more reliable.
anyway, here i sit enjoying my compaq and loving it. probably didn't need to spend the money, but i wanted it, so there.
on the knitting front, i haven't finished anything lately. very dull. still working on the citron shawlette. it's very boring. like miles and miles of stockintte stitch. ewwwww! on little needles, double eeeewwwwwww! and it's too hot for angora!!!
enough whining.
next i think i will wander back to socks. instant gratification.
and i think i will try to finish my brioche tank. i am debating about that because i am now 40 lbs lighter than i was when i started it, so maybe i should frog and start again? in a smaller size? i know it's supposed to be loose, but there is loose and there is whoah!!!
on the eating front, yes, i am almost officially at -40 lbs. it's 39 as of this morning. i have had a few hiccups. there is the chocolate, and the fact that i am getting really tired of salads, and the fact that i am stressed about the moving thing, and the fact that i think my hair is falling out, and my lovely friends at the irs, and i have to rely on my sister and her husband for transportation, and just life in general. very stressed am i, but i'll live.