as i sit here, i can feel every ounce of fat on my body. it feels like it anyway. i miss the flow and suppleness of the body i have lost and never thought i would miss. i could bend and flow. i could walk for miles, up hill and down, without pause. now, i gasp and wheeze. my air constricted by the mounds of flesh that restrict my breath. i feel trapped.
i want to explore. i want to travel. i am hemmed in by my fears, an invisible gate that pens me, close to home. my pastures the asphalt expanse that is washington, maryland, virginia. i long for the open spaces and freedom of the new. the adventure. anywhere but kansas.
maybe i should just start with a walk.