I miss my tub....

In my old apartment, I would sometimes lounge in a tub of sumptuous bubbles and scented salts. I had a collection of my favorites, mostly EO, but some others as well. I love lavender, gardenia, citrus, there were so many. There was one bath salt that had actual tea leaves in it, had to be put in a bag to keep it tidy, but sometimes I would just let the leaves loose to float on top of the bubbles. Now I have a stingy shower stall. After a long day at work, there isn't a long relaxing bath to soothe away the aches of the day. No soft music, no scented candles, no relaxing salts, oils or bubbles. Just a shower. I miss my tub.

tgif!!!

About to start knitting for the night. Just need to find something to watch while I stitch.

Ate breakfast today, two large drinks (apple, pear, ginger, carrot, beet, spinach). Had my bean dish for lunch, with a very small spoon of pastitsio (gotta lay off that stuff, it was reeeeeeealy salty), steamed veggies and some kinda hard rice. And a vegan ginger cookie. The cookie was totally not worth the calories. Very disappointed. I had a vegan cupcake, too. THAT was totally worth the calories :-). Came home and had a largish salad. Not too bad a day food wise.

Vacation!!!!

My vacation request was approved!!!!! So, in August I will be heading down to The Big Easy to do my bit for the local economy (that's my story and I'm sticking with it). That week long trip will be followed by a trip to the eastern shore. We are going back to Jane's Island. Mosquitoes, a month of mosquitoes. I will be one giant bump, but loving getting that way.

By then I hope to have finished my tank top, and maybe the second top as well. Who knows.

The knitting is going slowly. Trying to get a bit in everyday, but other things just keep piling up. There is work (as always), the depression (as always), the insomnia (worse now), my cluttered space (always a problem, but it's making me crazier than ever lately). It's the same problem as before. I feel stuck.

The weight loss is stalled. I am stuck in the 184 - 191 area. That's much better than the 224 I started at, but not where I want to be. I am not going for what the Furhman team suggested (121) because I haven't weighed that little since high school (although I was awfully cute :-), but really want to lose another 40 and get down to 140. That's a comfy one for me. My blood pressure was at 117/75 today. Muuuuuch better. I stopped taking my meds about 2 months ago. I have been on the meds for about 4 years. When I started them my pressure was 160/120. I found out how bad it was when I bought a monitor. I had been having headaches for about 1 week or 2, and decided it was probably that, even though the websites said headaches were not a symptom. After the monitor arrived, I took my pressure (twice to be sure) and called my doctor. He told me to come in immediately to compare. When I got there he took his reading, found out that my monitor was correct and sent me off to the pharmacy, script in hand, with instructions to return in a week. I tried dieting, didn't work. Tried to exercise, got discouraged. It finally took a nearly vegan diet to make change happen.

But now, even with the progress, I am having difficulty sticking with it. I need to cook, I can't muster the energy to do it. I need to have snacks on hand, I don't remember to get them. I need to eat regularly, but I have slipped back into the habit of not eating when I should. and falling back on the sugar and starchy stuff. But I am soooooo tired of green salads. Lately I have also been experiencing severe cravings for salty stuff. I think this goes with the stress/depression/anxiety thing. When stuff gets too heavy and I want to hide, I head for the comfort foods. Haven't hit the ice cream yet (thank God!!!!) but I have had a few fries, some cake scraps (I DO work in a bakery after all), and I have upped the meat intake. And how can I forget the fried stuff. Gotta take that back down. Gotta get back to my one day per week of fish or chicken. 8oz per week. That's actually a fairly decent size piece of fish. No more fried fish off the hot bar. No more samosas off the hot bar. Actually, no more hot bar period. Do you know how much all that stuff costs?????!!!!! I did it for almost 6 months. I can keep it up.

grandma

she is 91. she has lived a long and, I like to think, good life. she is currently hospitalized with failing kidneys and a failing heart. three of the four valves are not working properly. dialysis isn't possible because her heart is so weak. I don't want her to go, but I don't want her unhappy. I don't want her suffering. I hurt for my mom. in the last 10 years we have lost my dad, his mother, his sister, his aunt and my mother's brother. it's hard. I feel so incredibly sad. as I think about her, I think about my boss. his 33 year old wife is dying as well. their 4 year old will be without her mother. her grandchildren won't know her. I feel incredibly lucky that we have the time we do with Grandma B.

better day

today, not as much sugar, but didn't eat breakfast. soooooo tired! going to bed early tonight! had two salads, much better. no fruit yet, but have plenty of oranges down here so I'll eat one of those before i go to bed. i did have a very large muffin, and a large multigrain roll today. oh, and a piece of salmon.
no knitting at all today. will make up for it tomorrow :-)

SUGAR!!!!!!!

falling back into the sugar trap. had a macaroon, and two gf choc hazelnut bars today, as well as two really large veggie juices and a nice size salad. no bread today, which is good, but unfortunately too much sugar *sigh* i think i need to go back and re-read my book.
no knitting today, but i am thinking about these. I have all of this red lamb's pride worsted left over from various projects. I think red slippers will be awesome! I also have some black, but I think it's going to be red :-)

I made a cake!

I haven't done it much recently, but I helped decorate cakes last friday. I only helped with 4 and this was one of them. It was a donation to a benefit for Shepherd's Table, a food bank in the area. I need more practice. I do like it though.
I am not doing as well with the diet. I am not really into the nutritarian thing now. I haven't lost much, I am stressed, my hair is still falling out, and I am not losing weight. My knee is killing me. I need to keep wearing the brace and return to the ortho for follow-up. I missed my last two p.t. sessions.
Knitting isn't doing much better. I am down to the last repeat on Citron, and I think I will give it to my sister. I think I am kinda tired of it at this point. Nope, don't really like this shawl anymore. Lisa will like it, especially because it's purple. She loves purple.

sittin'

here i sit in borders, with my handy-dandy new laptop. it was my birthday present to myself. unfortunately my lovely 15yo nephew toasted the house internet service by frying his desktop (from which all service emanates) while attempting to jailbreak his ipod touch. the ipod is fine, the internet is done for. I may stop in somewhere to see if i can get an adapter and some cable to hook my stuff up directly. since i have no ipod touch to jailbreak, i think my services as a conduit will be a little more reliable.
anyway, here i sit enjoying my compaq and loving it. probably didn't need to spend the money, but i wanted it, so there.
on the knitting front, i haven't finished anything lately. very dull. still working on the citron shawlette. it's very boring. like miles and miles of stockintte stitch. ewwwww! on little needles, double eeeewwwwwww! and it's too hot for angora!!!
enough whining.
next i think i will wander back to socks. instant gratification.
and i think i will try to finish my brioche tank. i am debating about that because i am now 40 lbs lighter than i was when i started it, so maybe i should frog and start again? in a smaller size? i know it's supposed to be loose, but there is loose and there is whoah!!!
on the eating front, yes, i am almost officially at -40 lbs. it's 39 as of this morning. i have had a few hiccups. there is the chocolate, and the fact that i am getting really tired of salads, and the fact that i am stressed about the moving thing, and the fact that i think my hair is falling out, and my lovely friends at the irs, and i have to rely on my sister and her husband for transportation, and just life in general. very stressed am i, but i'll live.

sigh

I can't believe it. My cat snores!!! The very loud purring is one thing, now she is snoring. Maybe she has allergies, too! Hey, it's possible.

oh, my knee!

now that I have broken down and seen a doctor about my knee, it hurts more.  he said tendonitis and possibly something else (which hopefully will show up in the mri), so of course I looked up tendonitis.  3 weeks of rest and non-aggravating activities, which in this case is like, walking, standing and any variations of the two.  i am not looking forward to telling my boss that.  we already have two team members out with broken ankles (one per team member).  oh, well.  

the citron shawl is coming along nicely.  the pattern is confusing and somehow i have two additional stitches.  i don't know where they came from.  annoying.  i'm going to leave them in.  can't hurt but so much :-)